Friday, October 06, 2006

GDQ welcomes's new commentator

Evidently the guys over at have a new "hired gun" writing their editorials. Unfortunately, though, from the looks of the writing, it sounds like he/she has yet to graduate from junior high---which takes alot of the fun out of writing for this blog. Sort of like "hunting" for noisy little cockatiels....with your sawed off 12 ga....five feet from the cage.

"Are we afraid of guns?" they ask, like some spastic little megaphone-wielding cheerleader. "A lot of gun guys seem to think so. But we're not. If we were afraid of firearms, we'd wear bulletproof armor all the time, and hesistate to step outside into open areas. If we were afraid of guns, we wouldn't be fighting against them-- we'd be running."

Seriously---it's verbatim.

Of course, just because they choose to hire children to write their editorials, that doesn't necessarily mean their fundamental ideology is awhack. So they make damn sure that we know that, Yes, their fundamentals are indeed awhack, and severly so. After a few words about the recent tragedies at our local schools, and nary a word of condolences to the families crushed by these horrible event, they propose that, obviously, the only possible way of dealing with this problem is to disarm everyone; which, as we all know, actually means disarm everyone except, alas, the crazies who really want to do harm to us and our children.

I really can't do this stuff justice; it speaks for itself. So let's just them dismantle their own argument.

"And yet one pro-gun legislator in Wisconsin has come up with a solution, crazy as it is: arm the teachers.
Sorry? We hire teachers to make our children better people, not shoot them."

Hey, ASSa9 guys, yoo hoo! Over here. Yeah, well, the concept behind arming teachers, or principles, or security guards, is to 1) create a deterrent, and 2) shoot the crazies, not the children.

But wait! There's more. The discombobulated rant stumbles forward:

"They" (btw: that would be you and I, Joe and Jenny Sixpack) "think the feds are out to get their guns, or the UN, or the ATF, or local sheriffs, or anyone else just around the corner!"

You know, ASSa9 guys, there is an argument to be made that all of the above (the possible exception being your local non-big-city sheriff) seem to be doing their utmost to disarm the population: 20,000 fed, state, local (unconstitutional) gun laws; the UN's relentless campaign to ban "small arms" for all non-govt personnel; certain ATF agent's harrassement of law-abiding gun-show attendees; and the list goes on, eternally.

"And don't even get them started on criminals-- the NRA has them thinking that it's a guaranteed that they're going to be raped and murdered in America-- unless they buy a gun and pay their NRA membership."

Wrongo! Again. Never mind the fact that the NRA has proven itself all-too willing to bargain with those who would take away our 2nd Amendment rights, tossing around those rights like so many poker chips in a game of gun-monopoly. (They do appear to be on the mend, however.) If the NRA has anyone convinced they'll be "raped and murdered in America," it must be the ASSa9 guys; I don't know anyone who lives with such fear---especially if they own a gun, practice with it on at least a semi-regular basis, and keep it handy.

Hold on, friends, because this is where it gets really good, and, frankly, where it becomes so painfully apparent that the only person who could've written this is junior-higher (or an elementary school student).

"And so they don't see the real solutions to gun violence. Create laws that keep guns out of the hands of criminals."

Of course! Why the heck didn't anyone think of that before?! Laws! Just like the laws that keep drugs off the streets; laws that keep gangs from congealing in the inner cities, like so much effluent clogging the sewers; laws that keep people from witholding as many of their precious hard-earned dollars out the government's greedy little sticky fingers; laws that keep illegal immigrants on their side of the our (seemingly non-existent) borders; and so on an so forth.

He/She wraps it up with a few words of encouragement to their sheeple, and one last bit of not-so sage advice: "Don't cower in the corner thinking your .45 is the only thing between you and a horrible death."................ahhh, well.......unless you actually are cowering in a corner, staring through tears at that precious .45 in your trembling hand, praying to God that you won't have to use it to prevent your and your little daughter's "horrible death." (at which time, please, feel free to point it in the direction of the attacker and pull the trigger, over and over, until the attacker is lying in a pool of his own foul blood....dead....with our blessings)

Peace be on you, brothers, sisters and friends.
Keep your powder dry and your gun loaded,


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