Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A plug for drugs

It's a sad day indeed, when our backs are against the wall to the point that we (theoretically-free Americans) are forced beg the mercy of FedGov and submit to the fleecing of the medical industry. And what is this right we're down on our knees begging for?....the right to protect our family by any means necessary?...the right to move about freely in our own country?....the right to competent, ethical, logical representation in congress?Nein. None of the above. The issue which has brought millions of otherwise law-abiding Americans to their begging knees is the simple, seemingly no-brainer right to enjoy the exact same pleasure that the rest of our compatriots enjoy...every time they crack open their favorite microbrew or any other federally-sanctioned intoxicant. I've yet to hear a single logical argument---which might be able to persuade, say, your garden-variety junior higher—at least one with a minimum of critical-thinking skills—on just exactly how it is that, while liquor is completely legal in all 50 states, sparking up a joint can, in the wrong scenario, land you in state or fed prison....for years.

This sad situation is the result of an unholy alliance between the Religious Right (RR), the "health care" industry (Pushers) and, of course, the law enforcement industry (Prison Industrial Complex, heretofore referenced as PrICs...or Pricks-In-Charge???), all of whom have banded together and bribed our federal keepers to keep the well-documented benefits of cannabis sativa out of reach of us proles.

The Religious Right: well, it's hard to fault these folks, not becuase they're not dead wrong, but because they've been bottle fed on a dogmatic dreck which places pot-smokers on level with witches, demons and child-molesters. It's like trying to judge an Iraqi youth for hating Americans....a meaningless waste of time, not to mention ridiculous.

Pushers: again, it’s hard to fault the Health Care Industrial Complex, because, well, dammit!, they’ve got pills to sell to us. And who do we think we are, anyway?...self-prescribing dangerous chemicals to ourselves. I mean, do we really want a few million stumbling, drooling, knuckledragging Cretins, stoned out of their gourds, showing up at emergency rooms at all hours overdosed on cannabis?...cannabis of dubious origin!...cannabis on which NO TAX was even paid....cannabis which (brace yourself) these aforementioned drooling Cretins may even be using for reasons no more important than, say.....well....the same reasons your average housewife might just sit back and crack a Corona in the afternoon: relaxation!

Prison Industrial Complex: OK, these pricks are faultable. These guys and gals are, in large part (though not every one), little more than a macho labor union of ridiculously-overpaid and otherwise unemployable thugs! Thugs who, if they didn’t have their co-thugs to push around (and bet on in gladiator matches), well, they’d more than likely be beating up you and I.

Funny thing....you pour 220 pounds of automaton into a uniform, plug their blockhead into Kevlar helmet, add steroids, and then, whaddya know!, they get aggressive!? Who’da thunk?

I can't even imagine the joy their bosses must feel, not having to fight their own battles with all the various state and fed legislatures...all they have to do is sick the dogs, so to speak, on 'em. I can just hear it now... "'Cut back on prison building?' You can't be serious, Mr. Legislator! Don't even think about it! Of course, we (the PIC owners) agree with you, but the prison guard unions will cut you to pieces and leave you in bloody mess on the floor outside the state rotunda....out of a job."

Of course, for the same seemingly-Darwinian reasons of self-preservation, these uniformed, tax-funded thugs do have a compelling interest in keeping marijuana on the list of banned substances: Employment. Face it, what would we do with all these pissed off bullycrats. We’d probably be forced to start yet another war somewhere just so that we’ve got some place to ship them off to. Of course, the only place I can think of to send them, where they wouldn’t immediately overpower the locals and take over is Samoa.

Seriously, nobody enjoys a fight like them Samoans.